PICTURES AT THE BOTTOM, NIGGA.

Holy shit only like 6 weeks to go are you fucking ready.

Featuring a 50L main backpack and a 10L daypack, I’ve got 60 whole liters to carry around the trash that I call Survival Essentials for Dicking Around in Europe. I actually was only gonna bring the 50L, but there was just barely not enough room, so I got a little piece of shit mini backpack thing. Now it’s not a bitch to pack, though there isn’t much extra room. Hope I don’t get any big souvenirs.

There’s a bunch of stuff in this mess of a pack. If you give a shit, here’s a list.

4 pair socks – 2 light, 2 heavy (goddamn I hope they don’t stink like shit)

Eurail Pass (fucking 1000 dollar train ticket what the fuck)

4 pair underwear – 2 fancy, 1 long john, 1 regular (pay close attention to the term ‘fancy underwear’)

Comfy pants (for those cozy hostel nights)

Sunglasses (what’s the point of going to Europe if you won’t look cool)

Harmonica (if I don’t play any music for more than 3 days I will die)

Hairties (HAIRTIES)

4 t-shirts (I mean, I guess I could go shirtless)

1 thermal shirt (see above)

USB Drive w/ security shit (ain’t nobody got time for getting their bank info stolen ’cause of compromised coffee shop computers)

2 button ups (SHIRTLESS)

Sewing kit (literally just a needle and thread wrapped around a piece of cardboard)

Cheap bluetooth speaker (to annoy all my hostel-mates)

2 pairs jeans (pantsless?)

Shemagh (to blend in with the locals if I end up in some eastern European country)

Beanie (is that allowed in Yurop?)

Gloves (to bitchslap those who oppose me)

Quick dry travel towel (I don’t wanna smell musky, y’hear)

2 Mini Flashlights (tacticool af)

Ear plugs (to combat snorers in hostels)

Journal (oh man it’s so good Brittany got it for me for Christmas and it’s leather and cool and oh fuck yes)

Water bottle (I mean this one is pretty obvious)

Sink stopper (to stop sinks [those fucking sinks…])

Travel soap (lol will wash my clothes in sinks for three months)

Travel clothesline (don’t wanna be drying my clothes on a German dude)

Hacky sack (I bet this will be popular in Amsterdam)

Padlock x 2 (hope my shit don’t get jacked)

CONDOMS (for all the mad PUSS I’m gonna be pulling ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Passport (to not be an illegal alien [as if France gives a shit])

Photocopies of passport, driver’s license, bank statements, immunization record (BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY NIGGA)

Other wallet (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Money belt (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Small umbrella (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Bandana (gotta bring a bit of the Wild West with me, y’know)

Utensils (don’t wanna be a savage and eat my food with my hands. What do you think I am, an American?)

Pack of Cards (strip poker?)

Shot glasses (to play Cups with)

Scarf (c’mon man gotta be fashion af)

Ziplock bags (USEFUL)

2 USB phone chargers (it’s 2017, of course I’ll bring these)

Earbuds (long train rides plus Bach? plz)

Old Phone (that camera good as shit and also 64 gigs of memory)

Tablet (I don’t know if I’ll actually even use this)

Hanging toiletry bag (floss, toothbrush, razor+2 spare blades, lotion, comb, brush, nailclippers, retainer+case, contact solution, contact case) (HYGIENE)

Laundry bag (baundry lag)

Pen/pencils (I assure you, my notes will be the most fascinating thing you have ever read)

Chapstick (can’t disappoint all the European honeys, now can I?)

Extra pair of glasses w/ both cases (fuck seeing)

TP (you never know when it’s gonna hit. On the train, in the pub, on the toilet, you could shit yourself anywhere, man)

Duct tape (in case I break a bone)

First aid kit – Ibuprofen, allergy, band aids, Stomach relief, iso alcohol (GET KRUNK, SON)

Hostel sheets (no bedbugs plz)