Hot shit tomorrow I get to leave. Surprisingly, only vaguely excited, probably ’cause it doesn’t seem real yet. Regardless, low expectations are best expectations.

See you guys when I’m not an American anymore.

(six days)

To travel with people, or alone?

I don’t fuckin’ know.

If it were up to me, I’d get a big ol’ group of like 7 other people together and have a SuperAdventure™, but ain’t nobody got time for that. Thus, solo it is. My first thought was “Aw man, no one to share the experience with and shit.” But there’s also the possibility that I’ll prefer travelling alone for such a long period of time. For shorter one or two week stints, I’d assume people would be super awesome, since you won’t really have time to get sick of them. Or maybe you would, I don’t know your life. For a 3 month excursion, though, sticking with people for the entirety of that trip will likely get kind of annoying, no matter whom it is. Even married people need their alone time, right?

And then there’s this idea of freedom that solitude brings. What if you want to spend another 6 hours in this museum, but your bud is bored and hungry? Or perhaps you’ll see a sweet deal on a plane ticket to Hungary and wanna go there, spur of the moment, but your comrade wants to stick to the plan and go to Italy. Take the other person out of the equation and this problem goes away. I suppose it has extra relevance to me since I’m basing my trip so much around the idea of ‘no plans, fukkit, go where I want FREEDOM.’ That’s why I got the goddamn 1000 dollar train ticket that lets me travel basically anywhere in Europe for three months. And I’m a sheltered piece of shit college grad from Whogivesashit, America, so this trip is kind of the first time I’m gonna do my own thing for longer than a weekend, and doing that thing alone has a certain charm to it. Let’s call it a Rite of Passage for dramatic effect, shall we?

On the other side of the £1 coin, though, people are great. I love me some people, especially the ones whom I’ve decided are the good ones. We can make the memories together, and ain’t that the best? I think it is. And if I get blackout drunk in Salzburg, maybe I won’t die because I got me a buddy around. That’s probably a plus.

There’s some white girl quote out there that goes something like “An experience means nothing without someone to share it with,” and while I don’t entirely agree with that philosophy, I think there’s something to it.

Another point about being alone, I’mma gets (Word wanted gets instead of get; I’ll go with it) lonely probs. That’s what being alone does to people, see, especially when you’re 6000 miles away from anyone you know, surrounded by an entire continent of new things. But will that be a wholly bad thing? Having no one around that I’m familiar with might trick me into meeting new people through… [eyes squint, muscles tense, brow sweats, butthole clenches] social interaction.

What a disgusting thought.

But then I might meet some new lifelong friends that I wouldn’t’ve if I had been discussing our recent train ride though the Alps with my travel companion. EUROPE2017 is all about discovering new things, and people are a part of that, even if they end up being cunts.

In the end, I guess it doesn’t really matter — at least for me, on this trip. With a friend or sans companion, either one would be good and bad in their own ways, so I don’t see a clear winner, which I think is nice, ‘cause that’s easy and it makes me content.

THERE IS ONLY ONE MONTH LEFT OF MY TIME IN TRUMP’S AMERICA, MY FRIENDS.

What if I don’t like Europe

The chances of that are incomprehensibly low, but the possibility still exists. Maybe the first two weeks will be neato burrito, but then I stop giving a shit about museums and weird Dutch food and I get all lonely and sad and regret spending 1000 dollars on a fucking train ticket. What then, my friends?

Probably tears.

Ah but that’s not gonna happen I mean it’s an adventure and how could I not love adventure and I’m so excited for it so there’s no way it would blow up in my face right

right?

 

 

 

 

Loljk this ain’t an issue GOT ‘EM

Why’s Austria shaped like a piece of fried chicken?

Man, wouldn’t it be nice if I had left today, during the Presidential Inauguration of Donald J. Trump. The 20th of January, 2017, where Mr. Trump became Mr. President. What a nice flight that would be, to get the hell off of this sinking ship right as the iceberg hits.

Fuck I’ve still got six weeks before I’m out of this shit.

PICTURES AT THE BOTTOM, NIGGA.

Holy shit only like 6 weeks to go are you fucking ready.

Featuring a 50L main backpack and a 10L daypack, I’ve got 60 whole liters to carry around the trash that I call Survival Essentials for Dicking Around in Europe. I actually was only gonna bring the 50L, but there was just barely not enough room, so I got a little piece of shit mini backpack thing. Now it’s not a bitch to pack, though there isn’t much extra room. Hope I don’t get any big souvenirs.

There’s a bunch of stuff in this mess of a pack. If you give a shit, here’s a list.

4 pair socks – 2 light, 2 heavy (goddamn I hope they don’t stink like shit)

Eurail Pass (fucking 1000 dollar train ticket what the fuck)

4 pair underwear – 2 fancy, 1 long john, 1 regular (pay close attention to the term ‘fancy underwear’)

Comfy pants (for those cozy hostel nights)

Sunglasses (what’s the point of going to Europe if you won’t look cool)

Harmonica (if I don’t play any music for more than 3 days I will die)

Hairties (HAIRTIES)

4 t-shirts (I mean, I guess I could go shirtless)

1 thermal shirt (see above)

USB Drive w/ security shit (ain’t nobody got time for getting their bank info stolen ’cause of compromised coffee shop computers)

2 button ups (SHIRTLESS)

Sewing kit (literally just a needle and thread wrapped around a piece of cardboard)

Cheap bluetooth speaker (to annoy all my hostel-mates)

2 pairs jeans (pantsless?)

Shemagh (to blend in with the locals if I end up in some eastern European country)

Beanie (is that allowed in Yurop?)

Gloves (to bitchslap those who oppose me)

Quick dry travel towel (I don’t wanna smell musky, y’hear)

2 Mini Flashlights (tacticool af)

Ear plugs (to combat snorers in hostels)

Journal (oh man it’s so good Brittany got it for me for Christmas and it’s leather and cool and oh fuck yes)

Water bottle (I mean this one is pretty obvious)

Sink stopper (to stop sinks [those fucking sinks…])

Travel soap (lol will wash my clothes in sinks for three months)

Travel clothesline (don’t wanna be drying my clothes on a German dude)

Hacky sack (I bet this will be popular in Amsterdam)

Padlock x 2 (hope my shit don’t get jacked)

CONDOMS (for all the mad PUSS I’m gonna be pulling ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Passport (to not be an illegal alien [as if France gives a shit])

Photocopies of passport, driver’s license, bank statements, immunization record (BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY NIGGA)

Other wallet (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Money belt (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Small umbrella (in case I get mugged and pooped on)

Bandana (gotta bring a bit of the Wild West with me, y’know)

Utensils (don’t wanna be a savage and eat my food with my hands. What do you think I am, an American?)

Pack of Cards (strip poker?)

Shot glasses (to play Cups with)

Scarf (c’mon man gotta be fashion af)

Ziplock bags (USEFUL)

2 USB phone chargers (it’s 2017, of course I’ll bring these)

Earbuds (long train rides plus Bach? plz)

Old Phone (that camera good as shit and also 64 gigs of memory)

Tablet (I don’t know if I’ll actually even use this)

Hanging toiletry bag (floss, toothbrush, razor+2 spare blades, lotion, comb, brush, nailclippers, retainer+case, contact solution, contact case) (HYGIENE)

Laundry bag (baundry lag)

Pen/pencils (I assure you, my notes will be the most fascinating thing you have ever read)

Chapstick (can’t disappoint all the European honeys, now can I?)

Extra pair of glasses w/ both cases (fuck seeing)

TP (you never know when it’s gonna hit. On the train, in the pub, on the toilet, you could shit yourself anywhere, man)

Duct tape (in case I break a bone)

First aid kit – Ibuprofen, allergy, band aids, Stomach relief, iso alcohol (GET KRUNK, SON)

Hostel sheets (no bedbugs plz)

Sup fools.

O shit its two months away. Ya’ll ready for this? I hope so ‘cause it’s not that big a commitment for you, and if you weren’t ready for it, well that’s just weird since I’m the one flying across the ocean to a new country.

BUT I DIGRESS.

Just a small pondering today, languages! I only know English (I mean I can say like three words in French and Spanish but I’m basically useless), so I will undoubtedly end up in some place where body language will be the prime method of communication, and that’s gonna be fun for a limited amount of time only. When I was considering WWOOFing I said to myself, “Ben, you’re a piece of shit,” to which I replied, “No, fuck you, you’re a piece of shit.” I also said to myself that I didn’t want to WWOOF somewhere where English wasn’t the primary language, because I figured that the whole “try to derp through the language barrier of English and German or whatever” thing would be fun for maybe a week or two, but I’d probably grow tired of it relatively quickly. Sure, there’s tons of people over there that speak English, but they’re not everywhere, and if I were to live in a different country for six months, as was my plan, I’d want to be able to talk to people easily after the charm of the language wears off. So my point is that I need to learn at least 3 languages fluently while I’m over there yup that’s the plan here we go.

Also, I wonder just how far my shitty, awful, broken French and Spanish will take me. I figure it would only take me a few days of being in, let’s say, Germany to get my (nonexistent) German to the point I’m at with my French and Spanish. So yay, I get a three day head start on those two I guess. I’d really love to live somewhere with the express purpose of learning the language, but that’s not what this trip is for. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll carve out a little niche in some mountain near Stockholm and learn how to speak Swedish. That’d be nice.

Bonus, if you speak Swedish give me a ring-a-ling and let’s do a thing-a-ling

 

Welcome back, you fantastic piece of shit.

Ah-ha! I’m insulting you at the beginning now! Gotta keep you on your toes, you know? But now that we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, a thing.

In about five months I’ll be flying back into the US (maybe). Following that, somehow I’ll get to Prescott from Phoenix and voila, life resumes as usual. Or does it? Once again, there’s an interesting thing that I’ve read about in the past 3 months, and that thing is reverse culture shock. Of course regular-ass culture shock is gonna happen a whole shit ton during my excursion, but that’s boring (Ooh, they call French fries crisps that’s so fun and different), so instead, the opposite!

One of the biggest aspects of reverse culture shock is obviously the transition back to wasteful as shit America, with our big roads and expensive steaks and extreme nationalism, but I probably won’t give a fuck about that stuff cause I won’t be gone SUPER long, but I might. Maybe just a little. One thing that I do think will slap me hard upon return to the US is that I’m gonna get lonely and bored as shit. Three months of constantly experiencing new people and food and sights and then boom, you’re back to your 9 to 5 with your average old stuff going on? I’mma probably be apathetic as fuq for the first month. My views of home are also likely gonna be dashed, since I’m gonna remember them with a rose-tinted shade and idealize the hell out of Prescott. The grass is always greener on the other side, especially if your family lives there. And what if everything’s all different and not what I expect when I get home? How am I gonna deal with that surprise twist?

Another thing that I’ll have to come to grips with is the fact that people probably won’t give that many shits about that weird guy I met on the train from Holland or the really good kebab I got in Athens; I know for a fact that I’m going to want to tell everybody fuckin’ EVERYTHING that happened on my trip, but it’s probably only going to be interesting to me, so don’t that just suck the big one? Maybe Hector will humor me and let me explain to him just how detailed David’s dong was when I saw the statue of him in Florence.

Maybe I’ll go literally crazy.

Maybe I’ll just not return. That’ll solve the whole problem!

123 VIEWS.

Yo I’mma talk about my stupid idea of not actually planning anything.

Essentially, all I actually have mapped out are the first two weeks, as that’s when my sister is gonna be joining me, and since she’s only gonna be there for 10ish days, actually knowing where we’re going is probably a good idea. But, after she takes off from Paris back to the US, my entire plan is “I’m currently in X country. Next is Y country.” I don’t even have cities planned, aside from various things I would like to see, such as the Anne Frank Museum or the Sistine Chapel. So there’s a very vague guide I guess. But I also don’t give a shit, so I might end up in Russia.

I’ve read that this isn’t a very good idea because trying to book hostels and train rides and shit on the fly is obnoxious, and some cities will suck if you don’t research them, and you’ll likely spend more money cause you fucked up and have to buy another ticket or whatever.

BUT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

I’ll be researching cities as I get wi-fi and shit, so I won’t be completely blind, and my Eurail pass essentially takes care of all my major transportation needs, and I guess I’ll just wing it with the hostels I mean how much can go wrong am I right

(Plus I wanna be a free spirit, and being confined by my itinerary ain’t in my vernacular, man)

All this not-planning-shit is probably not the best way to travel, but eh, I can take that into account when I visit Asia in the future. I also really don’t wanna book a billion things online before I get there because that is so much work and I am so much lazy. Furthermore, I like the idea that if some crazy German is like “Hey mang, you wanna check out my place in Hanover? I’ll let you crash there for a few nights and I’ll show you around.” I’ll probably say no because he’s likely to badtouch me, BUT THE OPTION IS THERE.

On a related note, since my goal is to simply see Europe, I’m not super concerned with hitting particular cities for specific reasons; so much to do, so much to see, so what’s wrong with taking the back streets? I’m gonna be enamored by goddamn hobos asking for change on the street corner and the silly trash bins the Greece probably use, and that results in me not being too worried about where I end up, so long as it’s not an Albanian prison camp.

Fuck you.